For so many parents sex can be a scary or intimidating subject to talk to their kids. What you’re not alone? That’s right! It doesn’t have to be as intimidating or scary as you make it. Just because you start talking about it doesn’t mean your child is going to go have it either. While most schools have some form of sex education, is this really where you want your child learning about it? What exactly are they teaching? Where do they turn if they have questions? And are they really listening or just giggling the whole time because someone said the word sex or penis?
(This post contains affiliate links to make easier for you to find these books and purchase them)
Think back to when you first learned about sex? Was it at school? A parent? Your friends? A movie? Maybe your first sexual experience was the first time you learned?
Was this learning experience healthy? Did you learn the truth? Were you left with a lot of questions?
If you look around today the world is full of sex. We see it in movies, television shows, advertisements, music, and pretty much everywhere we look. The average age for first sexual experience is getting younger and younger. Kids are having sex before they even learn what it is.
Most kids and teens are learning about sex in unhealthy ways. They learn many myths and ideas about it before they ever learn that it can be a good, healthy thing. When I polled my student’s about their first time learning about sex most said from friends or boyfriend. They asked me so many questions that honestly shocked me. How could these teens, who have had sex, really believe all these things about it?
Many parents are afraid or nervous to talk to their children about sex. Some parents believe that if they talk to their child about sex it will be opening the door for them to have sex or saying it is okay to have sex. None of this is true. Sex should not be a hushed topic that we do not speak about it. It should be approached as a normal healthy part of life. Kids should be learning from their parents healthy perspectives on it.
It is really important to teach your children about sex. It doesn’t need to be a weird, awkward conversation. It can be a normal, everyday conversation with your child. The earlier you start the conversations the easier it will be for your child to approach you with questions and when they start feeling things.
Think about it. Would you rather your child come to you when they hear something different? OR ask their friend?
Here are some resources to help you talk to your child about sex. Every book you will need to censor with your own beliefs and values. I do not suggest handing the book to your child and telling them to read it or hope they do. It is best to use the books as a starting point with them and have conversations with them.
Let’s Talk about S-E-X by Gitchel and Foster.
This book is great for helping to answer questions that come up. Let’s face it we don’t know all the answers and some people are afraid to start the talk because they won’t have the answers. This book can help give you a cheat sheet for some answers. I wouldn’t use it as the basis for teaching your child about sex, but keep it on hand for those questions that you have no idea how to answer.
It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie H. Harris
This book is a great beginner, overall book. It will help you have some ideas of where to start and what to talk about. It is important not to just hand it to your child but use it as a tool in discussing these things with your children. As with every resource make sure to read it first and censor it with your own personal beliefs.
Shelley Metten has this series of books for girls and boy of different developmental stages. It’s a great way to help your child learn at the level they are at. This is especially important so that you don’t bombard them with too much information too soon. She is well researched and understands different developmental stages and what is important for each stage.
This book is one of the best for helping us understand what they brains reaction to sex is. It is completely based off of scientific research and brain scans. I had to read it for my Master’s classes and it really helped my understand more about what my students reactions are. It is not one you would read to your kids but it is helpful in understanding the why and preventing things before they happen.
Sex 180 by Chip Ingram and Tim Walker.
This is a great book especially for Christian Teens. It is a look at home the world views sex and what is actually healthy. It is eye opening and challenges teens to live a different life than everyone around them or the media says.
Focus on the family has a lot of Christian resources for families to use. Here is a link to their main resources about sex. http://media.focusonthefamily.com/topicinfo/sex_education_resources.pdf
It is important to remember that no matter how or when you teach your children about sex, they will remember it. They will remember you being weird and not knowing what to say, or you being confident (even if it was fake). Statistically the way we first learn about something is the filter we will use about the topic every time we hear about it. I hope you can be the filter for your children!
Do you have any more resources that you love about sex? Have you had “the talk” with your children? Got any more questions or other topics I should write about? I would love to hear from you.